Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, or 50s, we all can relate on some sort of woe in the love department. Trying to keep “it” alive? Or figure out the status of your relationship (thanks Mark Zuckerberg…)? Even if you’re new or recently hopped back onto to the dating scene, our interview with Top Atlanta Matchmaker Karla Moore can help us all navigate our love lives a little bit better.
"Think Like A Man" has been a big hit! What does "thinking like a man" mean to you? And do women really have to think like one to be a more appealing dater?
The timing of "TLAM" couldn't be better! The premise behind TLAM is a solid one, women must be more thoughtful about the dating process! We frequently going into the dating world blind and absent of any real tools about how to maintain a healthy relationship with a desirable, solid man. Much of this is due to the fact that many singles did not get input from their parents about how a healthy courtship should unfold. Many singles completely reject the values of their parents, etc. When women chose not to play the dating game like a chess game women come off as needy, insecure, emotional loose cannons. However, I don't think we have to think like a man to get the love we want, rather just be more strategic.
What do you mean by being strategic?
The way I chose to think about it is as follows: Women must begin to think more strategically about their love-lives. I blog about this notion. Women must play a special game of card when juggling, courtship, careers, education, and the possibility of having a family. For better or worse in western culture, women are the nucleus of the family. We steer the culture of our households and men know this even if they are not articulating this. They want future mothers that are loving, nurturing, caregivers that they can make beautiful babies with and live happily ever after. Women do not have the luxury of being aggressive, career driven, sharks AND at the same time expect men to respond to their questionable feminine energy. It does not work that way. What we can do is re-adjust our career energy & love life energy. We must straddle the fence by exuding inner beauty in all areas of life if we want to attract Mr. Right. (side note: talk about pressure!)
Now that we know what you mean by being more strategic, what are the best places to meet a quality guy?
Do not sleep on the fact that you can meet amazing men anywhere! Like a business, your love life needs to have a strategy. I believe that you can meet a quality man anywhere, but be strategic about where you plant yourself! Get on an internet dating site that works for you. Preferably one that requires you to pay a fee. Nothing in life that is of quality is free. You can start with Social and Singles Events outside of bars/clubs like Speed Dating Events, your local supermarket, concerts, art walks, through socializing with friends, bookstores, cafes, and niche special interests events/conferences, i.e. National Society of Black Engineers or National Society of Asian Scientist & Engineers. The point here is to be clear about what your special interests are and surround yourself with people that you share things in common with. Do this without seeking your twin! Make it a goal to start with being social 2-3 times a week. Dating is a numbers game, upping your social life will up your chances on meeting your catch.
It's always been thought that major cities like NYC, LA, ATL, SEA are a lot more difficult to date in, why is that?
It is all about perspective and how strategic you are or see yourself as. Many single people feel like they are in a sea of singles with a general population of 5 million (ATL) or 19 million (NYC). Many young singles 20-30 are out of touch with where their own personal niche resides.
A popular yet controversial rule in TLAM has been the 90 day rule, what is your personal take on the courtship/"waiting" period? 6mos-+, 6 months being the optimum, 2-3 months being the minimum. As women we must remember that if he is sound he will want to take the time to get to know you over time. It really takes 4-6 months to really see a person's idiosyncrasies and see if they line up with yours. Furthermore, men are hungry for women that will not allow them to behave like a man that does not respect the dynamics of a courtship. Remember do not behave like the average women. It is the quality women that have healthy boundaries that are difficult to find.
What challenges presents itself in terms of dating in certain age brackets?
20s - Needing time to get to know who they are, as we are in an age where education is a part of being a 21st century woman. Many women are fulfilling their educational aspirations and diving into careers.
30s - This is a time when women start to wake up about the painful reality that we do have biological limitations around having children. Frequently women in their 30s begin to feel frantic if they are not in a relationship leading to marriage. Many are unprepared to manage a potential great courtship that may be right in front of them. Also, saying and doing the wrong things.
50s (post divorce), etc. - Many women in this age bracket have had their time as a married woman and may be getting back on the market. These women can have serious struggles as we are in the 21st century and the dating culture has changed dramatically. Their male counterparts are just as stupefied about the dating game as they are.
Alright, now that we have all of your tips in our dating arsenal, what should we do the next time we see a person we may be interested in? If you see someone that you are attracted to, glance at him with a subtle smile to see if it is mutual interest. Maintain a positive vibe without being overly excited. If he returns the glance and you make eye contact it is critical that you do not look back too many times. This is a great way to blow it and turn him off. You have to send him an indirect message that he is on your radar but our not "pressed." You have given him the indicator that you are interested with your initial glance and soft smile. At that moment continue to look natural and peaceful. Take a deep breath and trust that if you two are to connect he will approach you. If he does not, you must believe that something legitimate is holding him back (married, in a relationship or just not in a space where he wants to approach you). You are worthy of this man's approach, if he doesn't then smile on to next brave soldier.
Do you agree with Karla? How did you meet your significant other? Sound off @JonesMag!
About Karla: Karla Moore is a happily married dating coach & top Atlanta matchmaker. To learn more about Karla’s matchmaking company go to NineGPS.com.